Imagine that you have been in a relationship with him for almost eight months. You start kinda noticing that maybe you aren’t spending too much time alone together, which is odd because before you ever dated you always spent time alone together. Whatever, right? Except no, it’s not whatever, you’re a grownup and can tell him how you feel and all that because he can tell you.
For example, in March just before going out to the movies (with all one billion of your friends) he says he doesn’t like some of the jokes you make and something else that you can’t really remember rn as it is being overshadowed by another feeling (lmao no you feel normal fr and not upset at all) anyway you’re like of course “i’ll stop saying things that could be hurtful, but also know that i don’t ever mean to be hurtful.” and that’s that. There’s also the whole thing with the out of country trip. oh, did i mention you guys went on a trip for a week outside of the u.s.? huh no? well, you did. day before flight is stressful to say the least, you are still in school and trying to finish the semester and have this week long trip that is stressful for that reason (god damnit how did you not see all of this coming. you should have known before he fucked up your brain and unfortunately your heart too.) anyway, evening before the flight, he hasn’t packed, you still need to finish and his mom shows up and wants to see him and your brother and sister-in-law are also in town. so basically it’s a back to back nightmare of him meeting your family, you seeing his mom and you also saying the wrong thing in front of your family about his hobby. He brings it up later when you’re alone and it seems to be resolved bc you know you biffed that. Next day, you get to the airport late but luckily make your flight and everything is fine. But it isn’t because you had ear surgery a few weeks prior and he has a nicotine addiction. yay! he gets angry and snappy and you kinda don’t notice until you get to where you’re staying. you talk to the concierge and they say your room isn’t ready so he kinda gets pissed. you are like okay, maybe go walk and check out this one place to see if they have vapes. wrong move! he’s gone for like forty five minutes, comes back pissed as fuck and basically drags you over to the concierge desk to check if your room is ready (luckily it is this time) so you get up to the room blah blah blah and he kinda has a tantrum. (it hurts to be honest about this because you still love him because youre an idiot and a joke ughghgghghghgh) but he throws a major ick fit and you get to finding where nicotine can be got, get an uber and take him with you to the place. of course, youre lost at first and dont know where the place is and youre internet is bad and again there are all of these bad things, but eventually you find the place and the problem seems solved… for now. rest of the week goes by, pretty fun, but maybe is it weird that you guys only have sex like once? on what should be a romantic trip away? flash forward, at the airport about to fly home, he goes off the handle on you and says you’ve been condescending to him when you’ve brought up the nicotine shit (even though you were just trying to make jokes about it bc of how uncomfortable it made you feel) anyway you apologize and it’s whatever once again. you are relieved to get back home and to see your roommates pick you up. i mean, the trip was mostly fun right?
so that’s that over. school is out, youre still super busy but for however long you and him have been official (i want the reader to feel the bitterness here) you have completely rearranged your schedule to fit better with his (he night shift) so you dont really sleep well or at all sunday-tues or saturday-tues. one of your main concerns is his health and his sleep (ig bc youre an idiot cancer rising with a cancer venus and this is a person you’ve known basically your whole life!) and yes still you prioritize spending time with him. then it all kinda boils over when you guys had planned a date, and instead hung out with all of your friends again, and you didnt even have sex after, because oh yeah, that’s right! You haven’t had sex in like a few weeks at this point, and it makes you wonder a little bc there are some people you know who date and dont seem to have sex and he was like “at that point they’re aren’t even dating” what an interesting point for him to make! (what is so sick and awful about all of this is that you are still so in love with him and the insane part of your brain is hoping and wishing that he will say something to fix it so you be something again, even though you understand that that wont ever happen.) fuck. so a few days after this you’re kinda like, i need to bring these things up, mainly “it feels like we’re just friends who fuck sometimes” and that frankly isn’t what you wanted out of this. you’ve been in love with him this whole time and it feels like he’s not as all in.
your talk appears to go good, he hugs you and thanks you for telling him how you feel so ig it’s fine then right? obviously no sex, and (fuck it, you also stopped watching tv together bc most of the time you spent together was with you alseep. how the fuck did you not see this coming) you go on with your week as normal and you make more of an effort to talk to him-even though you have been the one making the effort lmao. sunday night is normal movie night activity with all of your friends, drag competition for Tod’s bday (your bestfriend) and it’s fun and you tell him that you’ll stay up to play Fallout (trademark) bc youre almost done. everyone leaves, you beat the game. say one last i love you and go to bed while he stays up. the next morning seems normal, you get ready in the dark bc he’s asleep and you don’t want to wake him up, and you try to wake him up to have him maybe walk you out to your car but he doesn’t move so you kiss him on the head and go out through the garage. (fuck youre not gonna get to see that dog ever again. missing you puppy this is a nightmare and awful and you feel sick)
computer is fighting you at work but when he texts you at like three you head over to see him. you feel fine and regular and have to make a call for your mom and stuff so when you get over you dont really look up to see him bc youre doing something else. you dont take off your shoes because he immediately walks back to his room and clothes the dorr, leaving the dog outside. youre really in for it now. you sit down on the floor and he sits on the bed because you dont want to be right by him because you know he is going to say something that will hurt you, you keep your shoes on. he says the old “ive gotta talk to you” and then starts crying, and saying things like “ive been thinking about our talk and you were right, i haven’t been treating you right and it makes sense that you feel like were just friends who might sex” and you are so stupid and in love that you go up to comfort him and try to respond in the way that you think is appropriate, like it’s okay, we can figure this out and work on it etc., then he says “no, you don’t get it, that’s how i feel. i haven’t felt romantic feelings for you in awhile.” oh. okay. he fucking tells you you’re perfect and honestly kinda begs to still be friends, he does at least say you dont need to be friends right away (no fucking shit).
you comfort him (while he is breaking up with you) and then leave. you grab the stuffed cat you’ve kept over there, and your backup crochet and cross stitch projects, and your toothbrush, and your soap. and you try to leave. at the front door he says “i’ll see you again right?” and you say sure but the only thing youre thinking about is leaving and never looking at him again. he is like “I can hug you” and you let him do a mormon ass side hug because youre in shock (couldnt he have broken up with you last week?)
you get out to your car and start crying immediately because this is exactly what you didn’t want to happen. when you first told him about your feelings you fucking gave him an out. you told him mostly about the scorpio stuff and kinda the taurus. obv not all the way because those situations only make you look stupid, but ig it doesnt matter now because for the third time, youve been the fucker upper of another friendship because you got feelings. it’s kinda like youre the nice guy but not really bc you dont make friends with men because youre attracted to them. whatever. it just makes you think about when you talked about buying a house and you told him that you didnt have to be on the deed or anything, just in case and he said no, i’d want you on it, and you replied “you really want to be stuck with me forever?” and he said yes.
Youre not as upset about him losing feelings for you as you are about the word “awhile” why couldnt he have told you right away? so that he wouldnt have to fucking katniss you and act like he loved and act like he was in love with you when he wasn’t? and then the fucking nerve to ask to be friends like maybe that softened the blow or something. you have been so in love with him the whole time that hearing him say that he wasn’t is part of what is making you feel so sick. you havent eaten really in the last three days, and you probably wont start anytime soon. you cant even drink water that much because you just cry it all out. so much of the time you spent away from him was time spent missing him and then he just doesnt love you. it almost makes you think that maybe he was never in love with you, and he was just afraid to tell you because he didn’t want to lose you as a friend (even though you gave him a fucking out) well. there goes almost 18 years!
so, if this hypothetical situation happened to you, what would you do? would you aim to get famous so that you doing a cover of Silver Springs (Miss Stevie Nicks) would go really insanely viral or something and maybe it would be the only thing he could hear? or something else?
hypothetically speaking 