So hypothetically speaking you are at rehearsal for a play because you are a member of your high school theater program. It is getting pretty stressful as lines have to be memorized alongside blocking, and it happens that there are thousand of technical things left to be done between costumes, props, and sound. Naturally one of your closest friends, as well as the lead of the coming show, is painstakingly reorganizing her small cross-body bag. She is sitting on the floor by the trashcan for at least an hour doing this as everyone runs around finishing of last minute tasks. The mood is a Friday mood, meaning that it is Friday, and everybody in your theater is ready for the day to be over at five.
You and a few of your friends are acquainted with a couple theatre kids over at a different high school that is like 45 minutes away. The plan is to leave rehearsal, meet at your house, eat dinner, and drive to see A Christmas Carol. Plan starts good, rehearsal is out at five, and you drop of ur friends minion lover, and tod because your other friend plane flier will be bringing them over to your house for dinner. And your friend alternative tree and her gf boxer chick will arrive with talented actress/singer for dinner. Okay, this is good! You get home and make some spaghetti quick as possible for your friends, and your immediate family. Basically as soon as it is finished your friends arrive, and the clock is ticking. You guys want to leave the house by like six since the show starts at seven. Everyone eats pretty quickly and you are just rinsing off a couple of dishes when it happens. Tod walks by ur new cat tchotcke/figurine. A special cat indeed. One that you had bought in October when your theatre troop had went on a trip to Ashland Oregon to the Shakespeare Festival. You had bought this cat like an hour before seeing Hairspray (a musical that totally slaps). Anyway you had the cat with you in the theatre and its little foot broke off. Okay, you cried maybe, and then minion lover was like “maybe you can buy a new one?” but like a person working at the store was like “yeah its a super cat, and that’s the last one left here, its eyes light up! I almost bought it myself.”
Flash forward only like a month and fucking tod walks by and it falls to the ground. In that moment all of the chatter in your open concept kitchen/living room stops. Your friends become silent, your mom and dad stop talking. Tod stands frozen, and so do you until tod looks at you. You rush from the sink to tod, which is where the cat had fallen. Lo and behold my fucking cat is completely shattered all over the floor. I begin to sob, like real crocodile tears, a little wailing, and I’m on my knees on the floor shakily trying to pick up the pieces of my beautiful cat. Ane hypothetically your dad is ready to kill tod, like ready to take tod outside and destroy him. Everyone else in the room watches as you weep, cleaning up your destroyed cat. But its six oclock, so its time to get on the road. As you sit in the car you are still crying, tod is still apologizing, and minion lover is trying to explain that tod didn’t even touch the cat, he just walked by, and the shift in air or something must have knocked the cat over. At the same time your other friends are trying to continue what your mom had started at home, which was a hunt for the cat anywhere online. There was no success. Basically you cry for fifteen minutes on the way to the show plus the tears shed at your house.
Because its a Friday night -and most of the group is tired- you stop at Starbucks and a little gas station to get some drinks and stuff. Out of guilt tod buys you a chocolate milk. You go into the gas station with alternative tree and she buys herself a five hour energy which is pretty normal. Soon enough everyone is done and ready to get to the show. You guys are all tired, and you are emotionally drained to be frank.
The show is okay, costumes are cute, and scrooge is doing a good job. After the show is kind of a blur, but that’s the usual with any kind of theatre production. because it is all such a whirlwind. You manage to see your friends from that school, and then it is time to leave. The resentment you hold for tod -regarding the murder of your cat- is still simmering a little bit, but otherwise all is well. As you begin driving home tod and minion lover decide that they want Taco Bell, you are down as well, though you only buy dessert. The drive is simple and uneventful until you make your first stop to drop off talented actress/singer.
Once she is out of the SUV (it belongs to fliers grandma) you simply pose a question “lfleire tod g osit front?” This of course isn’t verbatim, but it’s close enough. When you say this minion lover starts wheezing, but you’re thinking to yourself that it really isn’t that funny. It’s November 15th, but you did just watch A Christmas Carol, so you and boxer chick are in the mood to sing some Hanukah tunes, so we do. You are both being so loud and annoying that minion lover, who was already wheezing begins to gasp out “I’m going to throw up” so nothing changes, you and boxer girl continue to sing, alternative tree is social media-ing, and tod and flier are talking. This is fine – for a couple of minutes- when suddenly I hear a yak. Like a vomit noise. “I threw up! I threw up.” minion lover is now crying a little, and boxer girl and I quit noising as well as tod and flier. We pull over and minion lover gets out of the car to maybe throw up a little more into some bushes and rocks on the side of the road. It’s flier’s grandma’s car, and she has wet wipes in the console, so flier gives one to minion lover, and tells her to get any spot in the car where she might have gotten upchuck. Unfortunately for minion lover she threw up all over herself, and her freshly reorganized bag which remember she had spent at least an hour cleaning it out and reorganizing it.
Minion lover decides she’s ready to get back into the car, but there’s one last hang up. We can’t drop her off first because she left her one and only phone charger at my house. So we have to drive to my house while she is covered in her own throw up. We are quiet. And that next Monday tod and flier tell me that they just watched her clean up her vomit when they were outside of her house. Anyway this is all hypothetical, but if it had happened to you, what would you do about the broken cat? What would you do about your friend vomiting from a combination of laughter and Taco Bell? Also would you believe it was like an air shift that made the cat fall, or was it a ghost that may or may not live in your house?
hypothetically speaking 